October 15, 2017
Fat B tunes in to Andrew Marr on a whim, after looking for a Vespa for Brenda on eBay.
John McDonnel and why he should move away from viscose, and lighten up a bit.
Emma Thompson on old men's tongues and the stable door, plus Hilary Clinton and her sensible trousers.
Plus, marmite moments, Fry & Laurie, doing the Lambeth Walk, and...
C'mon everyone, let's boycott the cinema! It's all shit anyway. (Except for the new Blade Runner which was brilliant).
October 11, 2017
What a world! Job losses at 'Killing Me Softly' Pride of Britain Death Corp. BAE Systems are announced. Er, is Boo Hoo the response they're after?
A devastated employee opined: "We took real pride in soldering in the anthrax cylinders. Craftsmen we were. And the filigree work on that Death Ray, ee bye gum, it were reet beautiful. As for the... blah, blah, blah".
Wot? The French offering sweeter baksheesh inducements than us? Outrageous. 'I'll see your Citroen Dyan and raise you 20 Camels and throw in a photo of Prince Charles and Wilfred Thesiger, oh and a facsimile of Tony Blair's contract with Beelzebub'.
Stop calling me Dyan.
Hopefully we'll soon be back in poll position, selling the finest death tackle in show. I hope so - for the Yemeni children. This isn't just any missile - this is a British BAE Systems missile!
I just died from your arms tonight - Cutting Crew.
Let's support our local death merchants and BE PROUD once more.
Hmmm... plus Brenda, Vegas, hoovering and the great taste of Brexit.
October 9, 2017
Barry musing on Brexit, Brenda and life in general without the lugubrious accompaniment of Art Garfunkel.
Apparently his people were talking to my people and it all got nasty very quickly.
How long, oh Lord, until we get back on track to reabsorption into 'the Beast' and the conveyor belt to dystopian doom, that is, in short the slavering Maw of the EU.
Fear not, it won't be long, if this lily livered bunch of gravy trainers, ie the UK political establishment, have anythink (sic) to do with it.
That's what Brenda thinks!
Loyal listeners will know that my thoughts are possibly more nuanced.
September 25, 2017
Once again the wayward people of the world offer opinions and attitudes that go against 'the narrative'.
There's trouble at Bath Spa and School of Beauty, Frank Gardner's bearers have had enough and the good Volk of Germany can't all be Nazis, can they?
Thanks Mutti! And thanks to Herr Wolf Lipp of Royston Vasey for the inspiration.
September 18, 2017
A head to head bout, Johnson in the blue corner, Norgrove in the blue-ish quango corner. A great ding-dong, and a right ol' conference pair. As for the back to the future LibDems... they're going home in a Tofu ambulance.
Barry's ultimate failsafe fallback: have a look on Wikipedia.
£350m or £250m - who cares! What about the smug REMAINIAC apocalyptic utterances. Bank of England, anyone?
Do you leave a generous tip after a substandard meal, having seen all the best dishes served to the other tables and noting that most of them did a runner?
But Barry is non-partisan. And still quite likes the cosmopolitan vibe of Benidorm.
September 13, 2017
On a September morning awash with news possibilities, the flagship BBC Today programme decided to run with what seemed like two dozen 'Now Show quality' packages, put together by a flatlining Nick Robinson in Silicon Valley.
Presumably the lure of a freebie to the good ol' U. S. of A. led to Nick switching off his last 'critical faculty circuit' and auto-piloting his way through several deathly dull interviews about Google, veggie burgers and a big roof garden where 'walking meetings' are rumoured to take place. Ooh, what's a walking meeting? Not a soul in the UK was asking or thinking 'What's a walking meeting?', not even stalwart listeners in Virginia Water. It is possibly self evident. And as for his interview with a top Google bloke, the 'questions' had all the hallmarks of having been planned during a coma.
Listen back on the venerable i-Player if you don't believe me.
As an antidote to the total absence of useful and relevant news, I have decided to add to the sum of world knowledge by discussing U.S. history in some depth - Module One.
September 11, 2017
Brenda very worried about the effects of Irma. She has relatives in the Caribbean and is convinced by the mystic numerolgical connections between these two 9/11 events and the dark forces at play both then and now.
Meanwhile, I'm more concerned with the disintegration of my cheap and cheerful (if by cheerful you mean creating misery to the delicate biosystems of the planet) Tesco UK supermarket Pan Scourers available in a 5 pack at £1.50.
Also, great to see the RAF carrying boxes out of a Hercules, one by one. Great photo op, lads. How about using a forklift next time rather than having numerous men carrying individual boxes of Crawfords Cheddars and Peak Freans Christmas Puds out of the aircraft.
Plus, Brenda's darkest theories about clearing out the Paradise Islands of the Carib folk, to prepare a WWIII retreat for Blair and all the other swivel eyed loons.
September 4, 2017
Wearisome discussions on Brexit have caused me to look elsewhere for news. Trump and sabre rattling and Kim Jong Wilde are causing much anxiety. Or are they?
Plus Nick Clegg comes through in his latest seance on Radio 4 Today programme, still tapping out his angst about Brexit.
August 29, 2017
Police INSIST they can't be sure that the toxic cloud (that caused no one any great problems) probably, although they can't be sure, weighing up no evidence whatsoever except having glanced at a weather app on the Super's Alcatel smartphone, did NOT originate from France. There you have it. When the police insist on something that they can't confirm with any certainty, you know that they have lost all touch with reality and just want to use the word insist at a press conference because it sounds like one of those confidence inspiring words. We insist...
Stick to the facts, ma'am.
Plus a patchy vox pop programme from Manchester and the lugubrious, unvaried rent-a-Manc delivery of 'poet' Andrew McMillan, who sounds like a Vauxhall Conference version of Roger McGough some weeks after his death.
August 21, 2017
Fat Barry returns to the mic to discuss the weirdly Orwellian hate guidelines that Alison Saunders, head of the CPS, not the DPP, pops up to promulgate in the absence of parliament and the big bongs.
Is the sound of one hand clapping actually two hands clapping if I perceive it to be so?
Bit of an unscripted ramble, once again, so don't get your hopes up.
Feel free to leave hate filled / love filled comments as appropriate or maybe something in between. Like mild dislike or contempt, which will, nevertheless, extend your sentence, so beware!
Fat Barry should burn in hell.
Bit rude that. Is it because I'm white or fat, or a scientologist? Or a ginge?