Bell Pottinger, the curious ethics of PR and South African Hyena

July 9, 2017

Yes, I still can't get my head round the PR industry and their values and ethics.  Please advise.

An early podcast as I'm up with the lark tomorrow, to go hop picking.  I know!

00:0000:00

Bell Pottinger Values, Joseph Goebbels and No. 11 Not Getting Caught

July 7, 2017

Fat Barry muses on the wonderful, value filled world of P.R., and the limited statements of contrition by Bell Pottinger CEO James Henderson.  They got caught, and of course have apologized for 'impacting' people, but, somewhat in the style of Vicky Pollard, go on to say 'we never didn't really mean to dis nobody nor nuffink, like, but we never did as much as wot you fink we did nor nuffink coz of the values'n'effics wot we got' but they have seen the error of their ways, insofar as they got caught. What utter nonsense!

When the new draconian internet laws come in, of course, they can do what the hell they like.  Until then, these comedic and half hearted apologies, must suffice.

Meanwhile South Africa burns in a horrible race war, but the weather in Tuscany has been blissful. Ciao, bella! Sweet dreams! 

00:0000:00

Lord Browne, my BP and the Poundland Toblerone

July 6, 2017

Well, I was reasonably disposed to suspend my disbelief when listening to Lord Browne, former boss of BP,  talking to John Humphreys about suffering and persecution of the gay community in Britain in the last 60 years.  But having researched him assiduously online over the course of ten minutes, I can't understand why he was invited on, apart from the fact that he likes to talk about himself, is very rich and well connected, and a mate of Tony Blair, Mandelson blah blah blah... He ain't no Oscar Wilde, or Quentin Crisp and his own story is underwhelming, except insofar as it shows him to be an petulant and insufferable egotist, who hates being crossed, with a propensity to be economical with the truth.

Note to Today programme editors: find someone who maybe suffered in a real and credible way, over the last sixty years and talk to them. Not just talk to some powerful bloke who's got a ghost written book out. 

00:0000:00

Prim Interview on Sex Robots from 1957 archive - hilarious!

July 5, 2017

Rather a jolly show on Radio 4 Today, and how funny to hear the Today programme archives, including a prim and embarrassed female interviewer in 1957 struggling to discuss the new Rediffusion 'Cathode Come Home' Pleasurebot.  How different that interview would have been today! Er...

Let's try and have a modicum of fun on the lighter sections! 

Plus an exhibition about Philip Larkin in which the curator attaches a Flymo to the wall and makes a tie tree (wot no Advent Mobile?) There's also AI headsets for a simulated encounter with your Mum and Dad.  These are, truly, the end times.

Plus Frank Gardner and the Saudis, private security, Zadie Smith and Ali Bongo. 

00:0000:00

Jersey: Royals, Low Tax and Child Abuse

July 4, 2017

Fat Barry on the £32m spent on the Child Abuse investigation on Jersey. The Chief Minister, accountant Gorst, not inspiring confidence and me Fat Barry deciding I will never go there on holiday, Liza Goddard or no Liza Goddard. Low tax economy and pleasing the IMF more important.  Of course.  And more on the Chief Medical Officer, Stephen Hawking, space probes, the Puritans, Grenfell, Jersey Royals, Savile, coconut, Dunblane and the Vegetarian Society.

00:0000:00

Morrissey Film, Pay Caps, GCHQ release Alan Turing Furby for Xmas

July 3, 2017

It's a rangey one from your truly.  Is meat murder, what is a sub species, are there nice parts of Manchester, does Thought for Today help us solve life's little problems and is GCHQ now repurposed as a benign Mind Gym for clever teens?  All this.  And austerity and do the police investigating stolen biscuits deserve a bit of a pay hike?  Can you guess what I think?  In which case save yourself half an hour.

Plus a look at what Brenda thinks of Morrissey, and the delights of swimming à la Percy Bysshe Shelley.  Silly season?

00:0000:00

Peter Principle and the Wolf plus the great smell of Lynx

June 30, 2017

Listening to the BBC Today programme on Radio Four so you don't have to.

The News was very much in retrograde today, in fact I'm not sure there was any.  Serried ranks of unconvincing cyber experts were dragged to the microphone every half hour or so to assure us that they're on top of it (Tee Hee!).  It was boring as buggery or any other consensual sexual act of your choosing, but nevertheless yawn inducing.  As with all this cyber mallarkey it was really a poacher/gamekeeper issue where the average person doesn't know what to do or who to trust, and that suits everyone who wants to make money out of it. Blind leading the blind but they did have one former 'blackhatter' (pick your colour wisely) who had an interesting back story, so I sense someone at the Today programme must have worked for the X Factor at some point.

Many examples today of people rising way beyond the level of their competence. Plus Stella McCartney, viscose, Tequila slammers, the village hall raffle, Matchmakers, the Local Government Association, GCHQ, HMS Queen Elizabeth and the Daily Mail Online side bar.

Release the Wolves!  And the Great Bustard.

 

00:0000:00

UK National Crime Agency highlights Albanians over Bent UK Bankers

June 29, 2017

Fat Barry here, talking the Grenfell Inquiry judge, the Iona community, the National Crime Agency, who presumably enagage in some heavy-duty forensic investigations but failed in the proof reading of their National Strategic Assessment of Organised Crime 2017. The deputy head honcho, ex-Essex Police, seemed rather woolly and jargon heavy and didn't mention the money laundering bent bankers who feature in the report, and are perhaps more of a problem in terms of serious crime than 300 ex-goatherds in beat up Ford Transits. Given the lack of care given to the preparation of their National Strategic Assessment there's is little hope that they'll even apprehend the Albanians, let alone the dodgy, 'rogue', of course, 'lone wolf' bankers, that stalk the City unobserved by their honest fellows, laundering money by the barrowload!

Viva Pitkin! (Norman Wisdom)

00:0000:00

G4S rolls out Spice delivery service beyond UK prisons

June 28, 2017

Austerity, austerity, austerity on today's show.

Also discussing the issue of efficiency and doing the bloody job you're paid for.  This includes G4S which seems to be overseeing the transformation of prisons into Crack Houses and Spice Dens, where violence and depravity are the order of the day.  Just as the fire service should aspire to do its part in preventing massive conflagrations, and the police to preventing terrorist outrages, (as well as beating their 8 minute arrival time), so should G4S gird its loins and attempt to deliver a service which least resembles the last days of Sodom and Gomorrah.

While I am not so reactionary as to suggest that the SAS run the Prison Service, actually, you know what...  let the SAS run the prison service.

Because if you don't do that, given the current state of Birmingham and other prisons you might as well save some money and hand it over to the prisoners themselves or the Cub Scouts... actually that's unfair on Cub Scouts.

Also, Nick Robinson, Hen Harrier paté, Farm Foods, Lidl, Waitrose, Peregrine falcons, Tristram and Jeremy, the Twa Hunts, Venezuela, Dowd and much more besides. Plus Brenda on the warpath when I used the word 'oculus'.

00:0000:00

U.S. Neo-Con/Cock Jeffrey Strangelove vs. Frank Gardner’s Naughty Step

June 27, 2017

Listening to BBC R4 Today programme so you don't have to.

Rather a medley of 'thoughts' brought together by the Thought For the Day talking about 'trust' or something.  Then there was the hilarious gung-ho American James Jeffrey not really saying anything you could easily grasp but being very gung-ho about it.  Maybe he's paid by the decibel.  Couldn't work him out, but I'm sure he carries a side arm, nor the piece by Security expert Frank Gardner who had some UAE bloke on, who doesn't like Qatar.  No-one on from Qatar for a bit of balance?  Will have to find some other organ for balance: maybe Al-Jazeera or will their studio be nuked by then? Confused.  Is it the job of the security correspondent to elucidate an issue or obfuscate?  More phrases like Naughty Step please.  

00:0000:00