Poldark, Toe Sucking, the Duchess of York & More Star Signs

August 8, 2017

Silly season continues with the shade of Mary Whitehouse and her time tunnel pushing our noses into the moribund moral outrages of 1973. Vicars writing in about a controversial scene in the pretty revamp of the dull 1973 tv series Poldark in which a vicar sucks the toe of a prostitute.  No mention of the Duchess of York and her propensity for cheesy big one. Did an Equerry from South Fork phone up the BBC duty officer, or is someone after a security contract in Uzbekistan?  Who knows.  Meanwhile, the Today programme continues to do its damnedest to scupper Brexit even further. Ah, well, listen to the horoscopes... there's something for everyone.  Spookily voyeuristic.

Brenda's back in Barbados and Barry's a bit snappy having lost his first take thanks to an over hasty snatch-out of his SD card from his trusty recorder.

00:0000:00

Horoscopes, Ruby Wax promo & Brandreth potholing in Prince

August 2, 2017

Silly season stuff so I've devoted myself to getting the horoscopes back on an even keel, using Brenda's bag of crystals to open my third eye.  Also, I make mention of Gyles Brandreth and Ruby Wax who both popped up on BBC Radio 4 Today programme to sell whatever it was they were selling this time, apart from their souls of course, which went on gumtree years ago. Oh, it was Wax selling the idea that her unfunny posh daughters are funny and Brandreth piping up from inside Prince Philip to speak of his incredible number of diary engagements since the 3rd Afghan war. 

Depressing stuff.

00:0000:00

Barry’s Uncannily Accurate Horoscopes To Guide Your Life

July 28, 2017

Brenda says I have a gift.  A sere's gift that can divine the future and leave my audience gasping at my prescience.

Now listeners, I share that gift with you.

 

 

00:0000:00

Julian Clary channels the late Earl Spencer and BBC wages get a once over

July 26, 2017

Fat Barry here again. Back from Almeria and casting an investigatory eye over the BBC wages as recently published.  All your high octane favourites like Kemal Ahmed and Nick Knowles and that one out of Causality that Brenda likes. Plus the mystery of Steve Wright, Letitia and Adam, and a haunted static near the old East Enders compound. Tickets to Althorp pronounced 'Fleece the proles' are available via Julian Fellowes wearing a high viz tabard at the entrance to the car park. Gillian Taylforth has been hired by Earl Spencer as part of her commitments to the Beeb, and can be seen flitting through the gloaming dressed in an apricot organza shift, on Diana's sacred isle in a moving son et lumiere.  Thrill as the lights on the isle dim as she learns to use her Dodie for the first time. Meanwhile, Chris Evans' wage? Hello?  And Alan Yentob's? He's only ever had 4 viewers so it must be connected to the Scotch Egg incident.  Ciao! 

00:0000:00

Kuennsberg happily steering shuffling Brexit to Dignitas

July 17, 2017

Hi Fat Barry here, and a bit demob happy.

We've had the unconvincing PR from the Prevent strategy, and a man from Teesside School of Hairdressing and Goose Stepping Studies telling us that Brexiteers are but a few steps away from growing a small moustache and buying a half-track on eBay. Take home thoughts from yours truly, are: don't go to A&E with a copy of American Psycho or they'll have you in a Prevent reprogramming camp or continental laager quicker than you can say 'Damian Green's shell suit'.

I'm now on summer recess.  But, faithful listener, look out for my new series of guided meditations for the stressed northern showerhouse executive.

 

00:0000:00

Fearless Acting and Casting & Zero to Hero

July 15, 2017

A repeat of one of last weeks eps.  Doesn't seem to have grafted onto my feed, as we say in the technical world of podcasting.

00:0000:00

Sex Chem, Acid, Adonis and Slamming Mercenaries

July 14, 2017

Slamming Sex Chems, fantasy Euratom story & ex-Army mercenaries and the Hero charities.

 
Fat Barry firing on all two cylinders today as he reflects on Lord Adonis’ insult to Labour and all Brexiteers, comparing them to Nazi Appeasers. Plus the Euratom story exposed as scaremongering by Trinity Cambridge European law Prof not to mention butterflies, Deliveroo and toilet duck.  Have a great weekend!
00:0000:00

Remoaner Taliban planting daily anti Brexit IEDs e.g. funny Euratom

July 13, 2017

The Remoaner's Taliban leader Nick Clegg gets on to Radio 4 whenever he fancies, wearing another of his quango hats.  Derby schools are crap.  Why? Let Fat Barry tell you. Bad leadership.  Those 'leaders' ain't on rubbish wages. Lead the schools. Simples.

Meanwhile Taliban Remoaner aide, National Audit Office wonk, Sir Amyas something former dull as ditchwater accountant, former Price Waterhouse Closet human calculator and MoD commercial director (BOGOF torture equipment/drones/missiles) is talking chocolate oranges to us proles.  Sir Amyas something?  Just do some bloody work, and prepare for it!  Accountants notoriously unprepared to do anything but skim.  And bankers, see HSBC.

Meanwhile we're going to be punished by EU, via EuroATOM, who will let us all die of cancer. Medical Taliban join in. Viva Tuscany!

And so the Remoaner Taliban carry on planting these Roadside IEDs every couple of days. Theresa trapped in Camp Bastion. Who's digging Tom, Dick and Harry?

00:0000:00

The charity Shelter and the Cladding Trustee plus Mosul and Konta

July 12, 2017

BBC R4 Today programme Mosul correspondent signed off from the devastated Stalingrad of a city with the insultingly underwhelming 'it's a bit depressing'. Now, that's journalism!  And the UK top drone General, who probably gets to serve the U.S. general's their cheeseburger and cokes in the Omani 5* 'operations' resort, said Amnesty were naive etc. for talking about civilian casualties caused by the RAF. And I can't think he was challenged in any way about the operation, or planning of the operation. Hopefully he'll get a nice job with a security, aerospace and weapons company when his days playing leapfrog with the Yanks are over.

Meanwhile the charity Shelter have lost a few trustees, due to resignation. Including Tony 'Xerxes' Rice, largest shareholder in the Grenfell cladding company.  Shelter, have we heard much from them lately? They were keeping their heads well below the parapet...  wonder why?

00:0000:00

Bashing John Bishop and Zero (Acting) Hours Contracts

July 11, 2017

Brenda and me still reeling from John Bishop's monologue in last night's Fearless, which was not unlike getting the Winker's song  interrupting Mansfield 102.3 unbidden (see today's Today).  Putting him next to McCrory is like watching Nureyev partnered in a Tchaikovsky ballet with a SMEG fridge.  All the directorial tricks and vaseline (a smear of Keith) and editing sleights of hand could not make it any less of a car crash.  I'm sorry, I speak as I find.  His legions of fans will think I am speaking out of turn, but the idea that you can do anything you want unchallenged if you only click your ruby heels together and make a wish, does occasionally have to be challenged. My Abenaazer up at the club was rightly pilloried, so I feel I know what I'm talking about.

Meanwhile my lumbar region is giving me a bit of gip, gyp, jip, (?) but I'm sure the restorative powers of bacon and sausage will soon set me right.

00:0000:00